It was a great weekend, but
it was also a tough weekend. You see, there are some important people, events
and or things that remain with us forever...
This
weekend (31 October) was Purley and Mikey's wedding celebrations. This was a
very special... Both Mikey and Purley are very special to us and they both
shared a very special bond with Judah. They looked especially gorgeous
and the wedding was special.
It
was a beautiful day and the ceremony and festivities went down incredibly well
and we pray that the Lord will continue to Bless them and increase His
favour upon their lives... They certainly deserve it.
For a
moment, I think, I was able to convince my heart that it was okay to be
happy...
However,
in the midst of the perfection of the day... the happiness felt somewhat empty
without my little Judah.
I
wonder if it will always be this way. Will everything in life always contain
the very present absence of Judah? Will even the greatest moments we
share always remind us of what we no longer have or is there a way to remember
Judah, in a way that is helpful and real?
My
prayer at this point in life is that we can find a way to process the pain (or
any other emotion related to this) more constructively... That somehow we will
be able find a way to live with this ever present absence...
You see, the thing
with this is not just that you feel the pain of the loss, but also the guilt of
robbing others of the joy of the(ir) celebrations. It feels, at times, as if those
close to you can see right into the depths of your soul and see the emptiness of your joy and happiness... and other times
it annoys you that those that were suppose to see into your soul
did not... it's a terrible black-hole that sucks you in.
It is incredibly
tiring trying to make it work. At times we pretend things to be okay, so much
so that we fool ourselves into believing that all is okay. This is often to our
detriment, all it does is push the feelings deeper down into a dark corner, somewhere in our hearts. After this weekend we were all sick. I can’t help but think that maybe it
was because we were suppressing the overwhelming emotions of the weekend.
Will
I... Will we ever be able to live with this ever present absence?
"We miss you Judah... nothing will ever be the same without you!"-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Please view this link and take the time to watch this video
http://chrisguillebeau.com/megan-devine/
