SUKKEL-VOORT - LIVING WITH GRIEF

Grieving has been and it continues to be hard, especially because we are a family that is in ministry. It is during times such as these that people look to see how we deal with things... "When the shoe is on the other foot". This is something , I guess, that comes with the territory. For that reason I have chosen not to hide my true feelings. To share my journey with grief as openly and honestly as possible... It's been hard, but the people God surrounded us with, during this time, have been phenomenal. So though it has been difficult I managed somehow thus far to keep my head up high and to push forward. But I must admit, the toughest... the worst of all is seeing the effect grief has on my family. Watching our daughter battle with her emotions and the responsibility of being the eldest sibling. Seeing our son as he struggles to verbalize and  make sense of this all. Watching my wife, my awesome... incredible wife face this (new, yet somewhat familiar) enemy calle

We tell our kids fairy tales, all the time, and these fairy tales always end with the words or idea, "and they all lived happily ever after". Though we know the difference between real life and fairy tales, we all still wish and pray that life will be a "happily ever after".  Well, what happens when the story, my story, doesn't quite measure up? I sat and watch the inter-action between my wife and our second born son. He was  complaining,  no, he was stating the obvious, telling his Mommy how much he misses his brother. Saying that he miss playing with him and how he wishes that he could talk to his brother... A part in me immediately got pulled up... when my wife responded by saying, "come sit with me and we will talk to him together.Let's tell him how much we miss him" I wanted to say... "NO! we do not have conversations with the dead. If you miss Judah, then pray to God. Jesus will take the pain away." Then I wanted to

"With Hope" This is not at all How we thought it was supposed to be We had so many plans for you We has so many dreams But now you've gone away And left us with the memories of your smile And nothing we can say And nothing we can do Can take away the pain The pain of losing you And we can cry with hope We can say good-bye with hope 'Cause we know our good-bye is not the end And we can grieve with hope 'Cause we believe with hope There's a place where we'll see your face again We'll see your face again And never have I known Anything so hard to understand And never have I questioned more The wisdom of God's plan But through the cloud of tears I see the Father smile and say 'well done.' And I imagine you Where you wanted most to be Seeing all your dreams come true 'Cause now your home And now your free [Chorus] We have this hope as an anchor 'Cause we believe that everything God promised us

My Darling Boy, Today I miss you more than words can describe... I woke up last night because Diego was barking, but then could not go back to sleep. My mind immediately went to the nights that you so lovingly would place your head on my chest and start humming a song, signalling that you wanted your Dad to sing for you. You are the only one that would willingly subject yourself to Daddy's voice. You always knew just how to make me feel extra special. I wonder if you are singing in heaven. I pray that Jesus holds you close and hums Afrikaans choruses to you...  Lol... we have all been singing the "Bibo" song lately. we really miss you. Your brother and sister... well let's just say, "You come from good stock". They are so brave. They talk about you always. The house is just not the same without you. Your physical presence amongst is terribly missed. We can not help but constantly ask ourselves, "I wonder what Judah would have done right now

Very confidently I decided that I am going to be different... I am going to be the one that will somehow model to all my friends and family how "it" is done. I was going to mourn the loss of my son and somehow re-group my family and... Well I am not really sure what next, but definitely something. I am strong enough to over-come any odds. After all, my Mom taught me that "I can do all things through Christ that gives me the strength." So… I  will  make it. I have to make it! At least so I thought... I unfortunately have come to the conclusion that what ever I am doing is not working. I am living but part of me died with Judah and I am trying to resurrect something that I should be burying. Let me see if I can somehow make sense of what I just said... I believe... or rather have always believed in a Miraculous God. The attributes of God that stand out for me about God is all of the Super-Natural stuff. God makes a way where there seems to be no way be