A while back I shared with a friend and said that I think Grief is like a chronic disease. All we have to do is take our medication and we will be OK... but on a re-think I came to the conclusion that even this is not entirely true... Grief ambushes us any time it feels like. The one moment you are on top of the world the next you are down and out. The only thing chronic about grief is that it is always with you... You see grief is not depression or the feeling of pain, grief is a condition... A state of being..., I don't think that there is any healing from grief. Don't get me wrong, there is healing from the pain and despair, but once you lost a loved one there is no fixing it and we will have to learn to live with this somehow.
The thing is this ... someone once said, "Watch out for the triggers, if you can identify what causes the change in emotion then surely you can avoid it or change it." If only it was that easy... You see, the very thing that causes you joy can at the very next moment be the thing that causes you the deepest pain that you will ever feel. For example, I love and adore kids especially little ones... but they also remind me of Judah. At times this is great because it provides great joy, but at times it just reminds me of what I have lost. This goes for anything and everything... A song, a movie, a picture... whatever.
So how have I chosen to deal with it? Well I think I came to a simple solution... I am being (at the very least, I'll try to be) real about whatever comes my way. When I am sad, I am not going to hide it, I share it. The same goes for what ever emotions I might be experiencing (however fleeting and sometimes contradictory it might be). After all they are just emotions. The problem comes when life becomes more then emotions or when emotions affect who we become. Well then, I fake it until I can make it. Okay... I admit, it is probably not the best strategy but I am all out of ideas... I take life one day at a time, knowing that the good moment always out-weighs the bad ones (even if it might seem that there are more bad moments than good.)
The rest is easy, I lean upon the greatest gifts God has given me... My Family, my Church and my Calling. Without these three journeying with grief and trying to stay afloat would be futile. Desiree and the kids have been my strength and inspiration but there are so many "other family" that I just could not do without. People that became family along the way... The Church is an extension of that family but more so. My faith community consists of people from different denominations and cultures and without the Church' assistance we probably would not have the courage to seek hope even in the helplessness of death.
My Calling is what sustains me. The knowing that God has a plan and purpose for my life. I vow to (at least try to) enjoy pursuing the Plans God has for me, My family and whoever God might bring across my way.
Thank you for listening to me rambling on...
