One of the things
that is hardest to deal with is when people (those who do not know me) ask me
about my family. The question, "so how many kids do you have?" hurts.
My answer is always, "I have three kids, one daughter and two sons"...
and then I change the topic.
Am I a coward for
not wanting to share the fact that my little Judah lives on in heaven? Will I
ever have the courage to talk about Judah freely to anyone willing to listen? I
watched an interaction between a father and son at a funeral a few years back
and for some reason I keep remembering the father telling his son, "you
had a great grandfather" as if suddenly the relationship between
Grandfather and Grandson comes to an end simply because the grandfather is not
physically present.
So, I am still a
father of three... it is difficult to explain the relationship I have with my
youngest son, but he lives on... not just in our hearts and memories but also
in the presence of the Almighty. Judah is part of our lives everyday...
Everything we do reminds us of him. Everything is different because of him...
there is never a moment that we do not think, "if Judah was here..."
We remember very fondly his first steps....his precious smile and the warmth of
his love and his gracious interaction with our lives... and we will keep that
part of him very close to us all the time. 
I still remember
hearing that we were expecting. It was very unexpected. I was at Seminary,
intending to study for the next 3-5 years, but Judah changed that in a moments
notice. I gladly set my studies aside to go work so that we could prepare for
his arrival. He changed our lives then and he has changed the way we do life,
even now.
Judah is definitely still very part of our lives. He is our youngest son. The brother to the most awesome and resilient Jathni-el and Jeriah. We can never deny the impact he has had and will continue to have upon our lives.
