SUKKEL-VOORT - LIVING WITH GRIEF

One of the things that is hardest to deal with is when people (those who do not know me) ask me about my family. The question, "so how many kids do you have?" hurts. My answer is always, "I have three kids, one daughter and two sons"... and then I change the topic. Am I a coward for not wanting to share the fact that my little Judah lives on in heaven? Will I ever have the courage to talk about Judah freely to anyone willing to listen? I watched an interaction between a father and son at a funeral a few years back and for some reason I keep remembering the father telling his son, "you had a great grandfather" as if suddenly the relationship between Grandfather and Grandson comes to an end simply because the grandfather is not physically present. So, I am still a father of three... it is difficult to explain the relationship I have with my youngest son, but he lives on... not just in our hearts and memories but also in the presence of the Almig

I am sitting at the hospital were Judah was born. My heart ♥ remembers this place very fondly. This is, for me, a place of hope... Or at least it use to be. Now, however, it simply reminds me of what I have lost... For the last week or two I have been struggling with going home... Because that is where we lost Judah. I am constantly reminded of what I no longer have in my life. As I write this, my mind and my heart disagrees with each other... and I am not really sure which is which but,  the one that knows better is saying, "This is not right... We cannot afford to lose happy moments from our lives. Places of hope and joy must become more, not less... Redeem! Redeem these moments! Redemption is necessary." I like this thought and I want nothing more, but how realistic is this idea? The question is, "How do we redeem these moments... How do we keep the positive places happy? How can we ever expect to live in the midst of death? This for me becomes the key... Discov