Skip to main content

Happily ever after (or) Not!

We tell our kids fairy tales, all the time, and these fairy tales always end with the words or idea, "and they all lived happily ever after". Though we know the difference between real life and fairy tales, we all still wish and pray that life will be a "happily ever after". 


Well, what happens when the story, my story, doesn't quite measure up?

I sat and watch the inter-action between my wife and our second born son. He was complaining, no, he was stating the obvious, telling his Mommy how much he misses his brother. Saying that he miss playing with him and how he wishes that he could talk to his brother... A part in me immediately got pulled up... when my wife responded by saying, "come sit with me and we will talk to him together.Let's tell him how much we miss him"

I wanted to say... "NO! we do not have conversations with the dead. If you miss Judah, then pray to God. Jesus will take the pain away." Then I wanted to shout and scream at God and say, WHY? Why does my family have to go through this? But... instead, I whispered in my heart, "I miss you too baby boy, this life is difficult without your smile, without your beautiful , sweet, calming presence". I don't now if that was wrong or not... To be honest I don't care right now. The only thing I care about right now is that, somehow, we find healing... 

Life without Judah is really hard. This "grieving thing" is terrible. It makes you question everything... It confuses you... It frustrates you... hurts you... makes you re-evaluate things and some say it (will) make you stronger.

Stronger... I am not so sure! If so, why do I feel so weak? Why do I feel like nothing makes makes sense? Why do I feel like everything has gone wrong... and it's all my fault (somehow). I have to fix it. I have to make a decision to continue life. 

In fact this is what I advised many a person that I counselled.Not that they are to blame for their problem (s) but rather that they must take responsibility to continue with life. Now... I find myself in a similar position and I realise that if I am truly honest with myself, I really don't want to continue with life. I want to just give up... This is the perfect circumstances for me to be able to say, "the load is to heavy for me to carry, you are expecting too much of me to recover from this..."

But the Lord is faithful and does not condemn me when I feel like giving up, but rather I am reminded, today, that I can depend upon the Lord. That no matter how difficult things might seem, I can always count on God to see me through... Don't get me wrong, I still have lots of questions about my faith and God's plan and manner of work in and through my life, BUT I know that even in my confusion and questioning God is faithful. I love the qoute by Franchesca Cox, "grief only exists where love lived first". I know that God is love and therefore, somehow, God's perfect love will get me through this and even bring me healing. 

So I know my story might not have a "happily ever after" right now... BUT... It certainly has a "In Christ ever after". With Christ all things are possible... and so I continue to live in Hope. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stay strong!

"Stay Strong!" I heard my friend say to me... My response was, "I will try my best".  As I sat down and I thought about this conversation. The more I thought about this the more I got convinced that it might not be entirely possible. These two words, as well as they mean has probably been my biggest down fall over the last three months. I mean... It is really easier said then done...  What does it mean anyway? Does it mean don't cry (at least not in-front of us)? Does it mean don't show emotions? What do people mean when they say, "Stay Strong"? I say this not in a judgemental way or unappreciative of the sentiment, but rather in trying to make sense of this "grieving thing". I have been trying to be strong... but the more I try, the worse I feel. The more I pray for strength to carry my cross and follow Jesus, the harder it appears to be. I guess this is the law of nature or something... If a person wants muscles, then t
3 comments
Read more

I miss you

My dear son Judah, born so small and sweet. Your presence in our lives was such a blessing. Today would have been your tenth year on Earth, but instead of celebrating your presence, we celebrate your precious worth.  You were certainly gone too soon. My heart still aches, my soul still sinks. I miss your laughter, your smile, your touch. I miss you so much, my heart hurts so much.  Your short life made a lasting impact, it's true, you taught me more than I ever taught you.  You showed me the strength in a smile and you'll forever be my baby boy.  I wish I could hold you, just one more time... Tell you I love you, that you are mine, but instead, I'll hold you in my heart each day.  I'll cherish the memories in every way...  My dear son Judah, I miss you So, but in my heart, your spirit will always live. I will smile today... I will step out courageous... In memory of you.  Happy 10th birthday, my precious boy. You'll forever bring me love, light, and joy.  
Post a Comment
Read more

Random Faith Ramblings

I have come to realize that tragedy and strife often cause us to reflect and re-evaluate. I have had a bit of time to relook and reimagine life and faith. I have come to some kind of certainty that it is time for us (the Church) to have an honest conversation about the nature of our being and ministry. It is time for us to recognize and step up to the fact that the ministry and faith that we live and proclaim are not about our selfish needs and desires. As a Church, we are called to a higher purpose, a mission that extends beyond our personal desires and ambitions. The concept of the Missio Dei, the Mission of God, should shape and guide our understanding of ministry and faith. It is a concept that transcends our individual aspirations and egos. When we truly embrace the Missio Dei, we come to understand that our mission is not about building our own kingdoms or satisfying our personal agendas. It is about participating in the larger work of God in the world. As we reflect on the omnip
Post a Comment
Read more