Seek the Light

Sometimes I think I underestimate the trauma caused by grief and or loss. The loss of a loved one leads us to question our beliefs about the nature of humanity, the meaning of life, and the role of God… Our sense of security is often shattered. We tend to  feel helpless, vulnerable, and often defeated.

Trauma is often defined by experts as a distressing or disturbing experience. It is disruptive and often disillusioning, causing us to question and even doubt things we once perceived as obvious and normal. Grief, especially when it follows a traumatic loss (By the way, I think, any loss is traumatic in its own way), can be particularly challenging. Traumatic bereavement occurs when the natural grieving process is disrupted due to the traumatic nature of the death, leading to intense emotions like fear, anxiety, guilt, anger, or shame.

A loss of any kind can shatter our assumptions about the world, making it seem unpredictable and unsafe. It often leads to ruminations about the death, with questions like "Why did this happen?" or "Could it have been prevented?" These thoughts can be overwhelming and may lead to feelings of guilt and self-blame, even when there is no fault involved.

Lately, I am discovering that trauma, loss and grief (whatever term you prefer) can also give us or lead us towards Hope. The activist and church leader, Bishop Desmond Tutu, once said something along the lines of "Hope is the ability to see the light no matter how dark it may seem." I may be misquoting, but it expresses what I hope to convey… Finding Hope is a choice to look for Light in all circumstances.

Attending my Dad's funeral was one of the toughest moments I experienced in a long while, yet it filled me with so much hope. Daddy’s life seemed to be filled with so much light amidst the dark tunnels or moments. Listening to and seeing how a simple person, who some might have condemned or seen as insignificant, offered so much light to the world, was truly inspiring. My dad's ability to always get up and fight one more time despite the obstacles, his ability to admit his flaws and own his mistakes and thus overcome them, gives me hope. It provides a guiding light through the dark valley of death.

I must pause here and say that my dad never claimed to be deserving of this light. He always reminded me that Christ is the Light. Could this be what actually illuminated his light as a beacon for his family to imitate and follow? Christ's light best shines through humble vessels that surrender to Him, I suppose.

In the end, dealing with grief and trauma is not easy, but it can lead us to profound insights and a deeper understanding of hope. By embracing our vulnerabilities and seeking support, whether through faith, therapy, or community, we can navigate the darkest moments and find a way forward. As we move through the grieving process, we can honor the memory of our loved ones by living our lives with purpose and hope.