These words have been ringing in my ears ever since I heard them. So I got up Sunday morning very intentional about singing through the storm. It was the first Mother's day without Judah, I knew it was going to be a difficult day, but I was gonna put on a brave face and sing through the storm. But my faith let me down (or so it seemed) when I could not convince my heart that The Light didn't cause the storm.
You see it was easy to convince my heart to sing when I could conveniently blame someone or something else for the storms within my life... but when my theology or understanding of God and what God does or allow doesn't match the neat boxes that I created, it all falls apart. Grief is messy... It is messing up all of what I believe to be true, true about God and true about myself.
You see... I was deceiving myself thinking that I was gonna sing through the storm... Instead I was singing and pretending that the storm didn't exist... and that is not what it is about. Living in the light and singing through the storms calls us to be real! Real about who we are are and what we are about (at least at that moment in time) and Who God is and what God is about.
So here is the deal I struck with myself this morning, "I will will be as real as I can be for as long as I can... Singing about the light that sustained me through the darkest moments in my life". - I hope this blabber makes sense, because this is all I have today.
