Today I miss you more than words can describe... I woke up last night because Diego was barking, but then could not go back to sleep. My mind immediately went to the nights that you so lovingly would place your head on my chest and start humming a song, signalling that you wanted your Dad to sing for you.You are the only one that would willingly subject yourself to Daddy's voice. You always knew just how to make me feel extra special. I wonder if you are singing in heaven. I pray that Jesus holds you close and hums Afrikaans choruses to you...
Lol... we have all been singing the "Bibo" song lately. we really miss you.
Your brother and sister... well let's just say, "You come from good stock". They are so brave. They talk about you always. The house is just not the same without you. Your physical presence amongst is terribly missed. We can not help but constantly ask ourselves, "I wonder what Judah would have done right now".
Daddy has not been swimming since you passed away... Uncle Ronny came to visit and they took us to Ushaka... It was great fun down the slides but I just can't bring myself to swimming at home... Naturally your brother and sister are not very impressed with me because the pool is not cleaned and the net remains on most of the time... Your Dad is just not as brave as he should be at this very moment. I know you would not want it to be this way but I find very hard... Thank goodness I have your Mommy. She is really awesome! She cries for you and probably will do so for a really long time, but that is just because you are such an amazing boy... Mommy is keeping me on the straight and narrow. She wont allow me to give up... I considered running way a few times but where would I run? Your smile always catches up with me.
Do you know what I miss the most? I miss having you run and jump into my arms. Every time you jumped into my arms you would make me feel like nothing and no one else matters... It is just you and me in the whole world... I miss holding you in my arms... helping you figure out how to climb in, through and over obstacles... But most of all I miss watching you just being you...
If only I watched you closer on the 6th of April.
Sorry my Boy... I failed you. I pray you know that I love you. You are safe with Jesus. The Bible teaches me that there are no tears and sorrow where you are. All I ever wanted was for you to be safe.
I can not do much for you my boy... but I promise that I will continually try to be the best Dad that I can be to your brother and sister. Knowing you, revealed a part of me that I never knew existed... a better part and I promise to share that not just with your brother and sister but with all the world. Thank you for making me better.
