For the last week I have been more aware
of this deep sense of emptiness and darkness that grief has has left deep
within my soul. I tried to smile... I tried blog... Tried to enjoy life
focusing on the positives in my life rather then the pain... BUT nothing seems
to be able to fill the emptiness that Judah's death left in my life.
I found myself
thinking about Judah's birth and what I felt. I remember the abundance I felt… abundance
of love, joy and peace. I could identify with the Psalmist that said, "You
prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head
with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all
the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
Now, I feel just the opposite. It feels as if I am being drain by
the big empty hole that is inside of me. There seems to be this big empty hole that sucks the joy out of everything. Judah's life brought so much life,love and light into my life and now in his death the shadow and emptiness threatens
it all.
So this is what I resolve! (Please forgive the preacher within me, but
he seems to be the only one talking sense right now) So here goes… In Genesis
1:3 God said, "Let there be light and there was light" and in
John 8:12 Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me
will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” I resolve to
walk as close to Jesus as I can. In my pain, I reach for Jesus. In my anger,
frustration, confusion, what ever I might feel. I resolve to reach out
to the One that created the light. So that even in the emptiness I feel I
can see that I am not really alone.
I see the pain of others. I feel the sorrow that exists around
me. So, My prayer today is that God might strengthen not just my family and I, but
all of us united in the pain of loosing a loved one. May our hearts be strengthened
and our paths be lit by our Saviours Grace.
