Grief has a way of reshaping us, carving out lessons in the most unexpected ways. Some of these lessons come swiftly, like a lightning bolt of clarity, while others linger, unfolding slowly over time. This morning brought one such moment of reflection—a learning curve that left me questioning not just the nature of loss but the essence of who I am.
A dear friend made a profound observation during a conversation about ministry and loss. He said, "Loss comes with the territory of ministry, but perhaps the worst loss is the loss of self." He went further to clarify that this loss should not be confused with self-denial. His words struck a chord deep within me, sending my thoughts spiraling into introspection.
This morning, I found myself standing in front of the mirror, staring at my own reflection. The man looking back at me was familiar yet strangely foreign. His face bore the marks of time spent in ministry—lines etched by sermons preached, prayers lifted, and lives touched. But as I searched his eyes, an unsettling question gnawed at my soul: Who is this? … is this me? … who am I? Who have I become? Am I more than what I can see?
The Gospel echoed in my mind, a verse I’ve preached countless times: “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). This passage has always been foundational to my understanding of discipleship. Yet today, it felt deeply personal—uncomfortably so. Have I truly denied myself for Christ? Or have I simply traded one version of myself for another… one more acceptable to others of even to myself? Worse still, was I losing myself entirely in an effort to meet expectations and please others?
My friend’s comment brought clarity to a distinction I had not fully considered before: denying self versus losing yourself. These concepts may seem similar on the surface but are profoundly different in their implications.
- Denying Self: At its core, self-denial is an intentional act of surrender—a relinquishing of personal desires and ambitions for the sake of Christ and His kingdom. It is a choice made daily to follow Him wholeheartedly, even when it costs us comfort or convenience. True self-denial is rooted in love and devotion; it is not about erasing who we are but about aligning our identity with God's purpose.
- Losing Yourself: Losing oneself, on the other hand, is far less intentional (maybe, more incidental) and often far more damaging. It happens gradually, as we pour ourselves out for others without replenishing our own spirit. Strangely enough, it could also be an unconscious act of trying to protect yourself… It can stem from trying too hard to meet expectations or sacrificing our authenticity in an attempt to please people. Unlike self-denial, losing oneself can leave us feeling empty, disconnected from our true identity—a shadow of who we once were.
Ministry is a calling that demands much—time, energy, compassion, and sacrifice. It is a privilege to serve others and share God’s love with them. Yet it also carries risks if we are not careful. The danger lies in pouring out so much that we forget to nurture our own soul. We can become so consumed with serving others or even with protecting “the Ministry” that we lose sight of who we are in Christ.
This morning’s reflection reminded me that ministry should never come at the cost of losing oneself entirely. Yes, we are called to deny ourselves for Christ’s sake—to lay down our lives in service to Him—but this does not mean abandoning our identity or neglecting our own spiritual health.
As I stood before the mirror today, searching for answers, I realized that rediscovering myself is not about reclaiming who I used to be but about embracing who God has called me to become. It’s about finding balance—learning to deny myself without losing myself entirely.
To do this requires intentionality:
-
Spending time alone with God to reconnect with His purpose for my life.
-
Setting boundaries in ministry to protect my emotional and spiritual
well-being.
-
Remembering that pleasing others should never take precedence over pleasing
God.
-
Trusting that my worth is not defined by what I do but by who I am in Him.
Grief has taught me many lessons—about loss, resilience, faith—and today it reminded me of something crucial: that even as I serve others through ministry, I must guard against losing myself along the way. Denying oneself for Christ is noble and necessary; losing oneself entirely is neither.
As I continue this journey of faith and service, I pray for wisdom to discern the difference—and grace to embrace both self-denial and self-discovery in equal measure. For in Christ alone lies my true identity—the reflection staring back at me through grief’s lens and life’s mirror.
