Skip to main content

Finding Community in my Despair

27 December 2015, I blogged looking forward to 2016 and thinking, “I might just make it." Today almost three years later I'm thinking, “what were you thinking... This grieving thing is too much to handle!!!!!” As I write that a bunch of things are going through my heart and mind. I feel a failure... pretentious... and a whole bunch of things I never wanted to be.

 A very well meaning person that I love and respect told me a few days ago that he thinks that it is about time I get up and face my grief and move on.

 WOW! That really struck a nerve. I did not know what to say or do after that. I thought, “Isn’t that what I have been trying to do?” Then I thought a few other things that I can’t dare to say out loud or write down. BUT really... is it really time to move on from my grief? Is that even possible? How would I do that? Could I really have grown stuck in despair? WHAT’S GOING ON? I don’t like this feeling... It sucks!

Seriously... Is this guy serious? How do you even begin to 'let go'? Who cares about joy? Right now I am struggling to breath... struggling to just cling on to life. Joy and love is not some magical bandage that wipes away loss or pain.

 Despair is a present emotion... a very real everyday feeling... not some past feeling of regret... a everyday fight with darkness that tries to overwhelm you. It's not some decision to not feel pain or regret or loss. It's a conscious recognition that darkness is pushing in on you and that your capacity to overthrow it is very limited, But you certainly are more than a conquer through Christ that strengthens you.

 Pain, especially the pain of loss, is overcome through surrender... surrender not to the pain but to the notion of healing it by yourself.

 Our healing, if such a thing exists, lies in Christ and Christ is best experienced in His Faith Community. In fact, Christ is Christian Community! The Church is the body of Christ (or at least, we are suppose to be) supporting and aiding each other so as to ensure the entire body growing.

What am I saying? Let's see if I can make sense of my ramblings.

1. PAIN IS REAL, DON'T IGNORE IT!
2. CHRIST GIFTED US WITH COMMUNITY
3.WE WORK OUT AND THROUGH OUR PAIN, IN COMMUNITY
4. TRUE COMMUNITY IS CREATED THROUGH BEING

 So, here is my plan. I will continue to face my pain (one day at time) and will endeavour not just to find Community but to BE Community... even if it's uncomfortable or painful... a Christ Community that not only receives the vulnerable but also become vulnerable. So that together we can edify, support and heal.

I have come to believe that moving on from my grief simply means embracing Community. COMMUNITY WITH EACH OTHER IN COMMUNION WITH CHRIST!

 "Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many. But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it."
1 Corinthians 12:12‭, ‬14‭-‬14‭, ‬18‭, ‬26‭-‬27 NIV

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Stay strong!

"Stay Strong!" I heard my friend say to me... My response was, "I will try my best".  As I sat down and I thought about this conversation. The more I thought about this the more I got convinced that it might not be entirely possible. These two words, as well as they mean has probably been my biggest down fall over the last three months. I mean... It is really easier said then done...  What does it mean anyway? Does it mean don't cry (at least not in-front of us)? Does it mean don't show emotions? What do people mean when they say, "Stay Strong"? I say this not in a judgemental way or unappreciative of the sentiment, but rather in trying to make sense of this "grieving thing". I have been trying to be strong... but the more I try, the worse I feel. The more I pray for strength to carry my cross and follow Jesus, the harder it appears to be. I guess this is the law of nature or something... If a person wants muscles, then t
3 comments
Read more

I miss you

My dear son Judah, born so small and sweet. Your presence in our lives was such a blessing. Today would have been your tenth year on Earth, but instead of celebrating your presence, we celebrate your precious worth.  You were certainly gone too soon. My heart still aches, my soul still sinks. I miss your laughter, your smile, your touch. I miss you so much, my heart hurts so much.  Your short life made a lasting impact, it's true, you taught me more than I ever taught you.  You showed me the strength in a smile and you'll forever be my baby boy.  I wish I could hold you, just one more time... Tell you I love you, that you are mine, but instead, I'll hold you in my heart each day.  I'll cherish the memories in every way...  My dear son Judah, I miss you So, but in my heart, your spirit will always live. I will smile today... I will step out courageous... In memory of you.  Happy 10th birthday, my precious boy. You'll forever bring me love, light, and joy.  
Post a Comment
Read more

Random Faith Ramblings

I have come to realize that tragedy and strife often cause us to reflect and re-evaluate. I have had a bit of time to relook and reimagine life and faith. I have come to some kind of certainty that it is time for us (the Church) to have an honest conversation about the nature of our being and ministry. It is time for us to recognize and step up to the fact that the ministry and faith that we live and proclaim are not about our selfish needs and desires. As a Church, we are called to a higher purpose, a mission that extends beyond our personal desires and ambitions. The concept of the Missio Dei, the Mission of God, should shape and guide our understanding of ministry and faith. It is a concept that transcends our individual aspirations and egos. When we truly embrace the Missio Dei, we come to understand that our mission is not about building our own kingdoms or satisfying our personal agendas. It is about participating in the larger work of God in the world. As we reflect on the omnip
Post a Comment
Read more