SUKKEL-VOORT - LIVING WITH GRIEF

Grief has a way of reshaping us, carving out lessons in the most unexpected ways. Some of these lessons come swiftly, like a lightning bolt of clarity, while others linger, unfolding slowly over time. This morning brought one such moment of reflection—a learning curve that left me questioning not just the nature of loss but the essence of who I am. A dear friend made a profound observation during a conversation about ministry and loss. He said, "Loss comes with the territory of ministry, but perhaps the worst loss is the loss of self." He went further to clarify that this loss should not be confused with self-denial . His words struck a chord deep within me, sending my thoughts spiraling into introspection. This morning, I found myself standing in front of the mirror, staring at my own reflection. The man looking back at me was familiar yet strangely foreign. His face bore the marks of time spent in ministry—lines etched by sermons preached, prayers lifted, and lives ...

I don’t particularly enjoy what I’m about to share, but I believe it’s an essential truth to confront. One of my Heroes of Faith and in Ministry is the Rev. John Wesley. He once said, “Holy solitaries' is a phrase no more consistent with the Gospel than holy adulterers. The Gospel of Christ knows no religion but social; no holiness but social holiness.” Wesley emphasized that Christianity—and by implication, Ministry—is inherently relational. Ministers are not meant to operate in isolation but within a supportive Community. Loss doesn’t only occur when loved ones pass away; it happens as we navigate life itself . Having served as a Pastor for the past 24 years, I've come to realize that alongside the steadfast pillars of Faith and Family, another constant companion in ministry life is the all too familiar feeling of loss. The Ministry of Word and Sacraments demands sacrifices that few outside this calling truly understand. Perhaps the most painful sacrifice is the contin...

Sometimes I think I underestimate the trauma caused by grief and or loss. The loss of a loved one leads us to question our beliefs about the nature of humanity, the meaning of life, and the role of God… Our sense of security is often shattered . We tend to    feel helpless, vulnerable, and often defeated. Trauma is often defined by experts as a distressing or disturbing experience. It is disruptive and often disillusioning, causing us to question and even doubt things we once perceived as obvious and normal. Grief, especially when it follows a traumatic loss (By the way, I think, any loss is traumatic in its own way ), can be particularly challenging. Traumatic bereavement occurs when the natural grieving process is disrupted due to the traumatic nature of the death, leading to intense emotions like fear, anxiety, guilt, anger, or shame. A loss of any kind can shatter our assumptions about the world, making it seem unpredictable and unsafe. It often leads to ruminations a...

I have the honor and privilege, granted by the grace of God, to play a small part in caring for my Dad. A little more than a year ago, Daddy was diagnosed with cancer and declared terminal by doctors. I cherish the opportunity to sit by Daddy’s bedside from time to time. I do not consider this a small thing; it is truly a privilege that not many get to experience. As I sat next to Daddy’s bed last night, watching him wrestle in his sleep, I found myself reflecting on my Daddy’s battle with cancer. A whirlwind of emotions overwhelm me. Memories of my mother’s illness, when I was just 15 years old, flooded back, my Mother in-laws passing less then 2 months ago reminds me of life’s fragility and the weight of grief.  Both Mom and  Mommy fought bravely against the challenges of their sicknesses but eventually succumbed due to complications related to their sicknesses. As a son, I witnessed their strength and faith firsthand. Now, facing the possibility of losing my father, I f...

The Power of Perception: How Our Understanding of God Shapes Our Values and Theology I have heard it said that hurting people hurt people… in my 20+ years ministering with and alongside people, especially the hurting, I found this statement more true then I would want it to be. I find it unfortunate that many of these hurts stem from our perceptions that God or God's people have caused us pain. As human beings, we seem to be constantly grappling with the question of God's existence and the nature of the Divine. Even the Atheist seem to be saying that I can’t believe in a cruel God that claims to be loving… I further found that this crucial wrestling often defines how we perceive ourselves and our significance in this world. Our ideas about God profoundly impact everything we do—how we live, how we treat others, and the choices we continue to make. I’ve always found the illustration of Dropping a pebble in a pond, it illustrates how small (or even traumatic) changes in our per...

Jathni-el, (my gift from God)  I am counting the hours now until you embark on this incredible journey…     Ek wou nog altyd ‘n dogter gehad het. My eie stukkie perfeksie. The plan was that I would hold you close, protect you from every evil and have you with me all the time… maar dit werk mos nie so nie.     As a parent all I could do was to devote my life to preparing you for independence, teaching you to make your own decisions… To put your faith in God and pursue your passion. This I tried to do to the best of my abilities.     NOW, when the moment arrives to release you and let you venture beyond my comfort zone, it feels as though I must set up a blockade to hold you forever in my arms. Smaak en kan n time-out call… Sê, 'tyd staan stil ek wil nie my Princess laat gaan nie…' But the truth is, all I can do is hold you in my heart and place you in God's loving arms.   Daddy's Princess, as you pursue your missionary calling, I pray you discover ...