Help me find your way Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am beginning to realize that grief is much more complex than we think. On the surface we think it is just about crying for what you lost. The obvious! We lost a son, 15 months old...much too soon. But is more than that... I lost not just a son, but also all the dreams I had for him. I will never see him grow up! I will never see him go to school for the first time... hear him call my name when he bumped his toe... hold him close and tell him that it is OK, Daddy is here with you... I will never get to talk to him about what it means to be a man... I will never see him become the man that I knew I would have been proud of.... The list just goes on and on.

Everyday I live is a reminder of what I do not have with my boy... a reminder of the things and moments that I will never spent with my boy. I hate this feeling. I hate this pain... How will I ever get over this pain?

I have nothing positive to write today... I am just so overwhelmed by the pain...