The best gift ever

I had an awesome weekend with family. My brother and his family came to visit us for a few days. This was especially meaningful because it was his birthday and they chose to spend it with us. We had a fantastic time of nothingness. We had no particular agenda… All we did was enjoy each others company. It was awesome!

Then it dawned on me. This is all I really need... in fact this is all that we need. During bereavement people always try to be what they are not. They try to act in a way that they think will make us feel better. The truth is nothing will make us feel better... We lost our son... It is terribly painful and it probably will be that way for a very long time (maybe even forever). 

So if you want to be helpful, share yourself with us. Be who God had gifted you to be! You are a gift to us, don't break the gift and change it into something it was not meant to be. Please let me decide if I need it or not. After all that is the nature of giving gifts: Someone gives a gift and the other person decides whether to keep it of throw it out. 

By far the most meaningful contribution or engagement we have had during this difficult time has been the genuineness of family and friends. I am reminded that when Peter and John met with brokenness at the Temple Gate they simply offered what they had, and what they had, brought healing to brokenness.

Acts 3

6 Then Peter said, “Silver and gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise up and walk.” 7 And he took him by the right hand and lifted him up, and immediately his feet and ankle bones received strength."

So here is the challenge… Try and be truly you today. The world is full of brokenness and that brokenness needs authentic people being the gifts that God made us to be…

13 August 2015

Grieving sucks... Truly it does! I have heard someone say, "Life is what you make of it. If life hands you lemons, make lemonade." Well I don't know what great thing to make of my son death or of grieving. I tried making "lemonade" but, honestly, I am now full of it.

I feel like just covering my head with my blanket and sleeping until things are all better... Someone please remember to wake me up when this is all over... I just want to give up! 

It is tiring always trying to see the positives in life. I am exhausted! The pressure of trying to be the perfectly grieving father, husband or friend is too much. The sad thing is that I am just realizing that nobody expects me to be that, most of this pressure really comes from myself.

But it is not so easy. Life carries on... We have to remember to carry on living. I discovered over the last few months that I relied too much at times upon "Supernatural" breakthroughs. Whenever something was out of place or broken in my life, I would simply sit back and let God do God's thing. After all God is Almighty! But I needed to remember that God very often used the ordinary and sometimes less then ordinary individuals to accomplish the extra-ordinary.  I have learned that God is often times very practical... 

Let me try and explain what I mean...

I am learning that God shows up in the in the every day things and expects me to live life with Him in the everyday things. Don't get me wrong... I am not suggesting at all that we should not expect miracles from God, but I am saying that sometimes the greatest miracle is not the resurrection of the dead but the finding of life after death. There is not a day that goes by that I don't wonder why God didn't just resurrect my boy, like he did with others in past... and I will probably never get to a satisfactory answer ever... (And for now I am okay with that).

However, I am finally beginning to see that there could be a life worth living after this great loss. I don't know exactly what and how, but I know that God wakes me up every morning for a reason... The last few months (maybe even longer) all I did, was to wake up and pray for a miracle. Hoping that something overwhelming and great will happen and God will surprise me with something greater and more spectacular.

Today I realise that this is the SuperNatural... I am living the miracle... taking a breath, taking a step forward everyday and living life is the miracle. 

Thank you God, for the miracle of courage, courage to get out of bed today, even when we can't imagine why. Thank you for the miracle of family and friends that stood by me and still walks with me. Thank you for the miracle of life that can continue even when I have given up on it.