Grieving sucks... Truly it does! I have heard
someone say, "Life is what you make of it. If life hands you lemons, make
lemonade." Well I don't know what great thing to make of my son death or
of grieving. I tried making "lemonade" but, honestly, I am now full
of it.
It is tiring always trying to see the
positives in life. I am exhausted! The pressure of trying to be the perfectly
grieving father, husband or friend is too much. The sad thing is that I am just
realizing that nobody expects me to be that, most of this pressure really comes
from myself.
But it is not so
easy. Life carries on... We have to remember
to carry on living. I discovered over the last few months that I relied too
much at times upon "Supernatural" breakthroughs. Whenever something
was out of place or broken in my life, I would simply sit back and let God do
God's thing. After all God is
Almighty! But I needed to
remember that God very often used the ordinary and sometimes less then ordinary
individuals to accomplish the extra-ordinary. I have learned that God is
often times very practical...
Let me try and explain what I mean...
I am learning that
God shows up in the in the every day things and expects me to live life with
Him in the everyday things. Don't get me wrong... I am not suggesting at all
that we should not expect miracles from God, but I am saying that sometimes the
greatest miracle is not the resurrection of the dead but the finding of life
after death. There is not a day that goes by that I don't wonder why God didn't
just resurrect my boy, like he did with others in past... and I will probably
never get to a satisfactory answer ever... (And for now I am okay with that).
However, I am finally
beginning to see that there could be a life worth living after this great loss.
I don't know exactly what and how, but I know that God wakes me up every
morning for a reason... The last few months (maybe even longer) all I did, was
to wake up and pray for a miracle. Hoping that something overwhelming and great
will happen and God will surprise me with something greater and more
spectacular.
Today I realise that
this is the SuperNatural... I am living the miracle... taking a breath, taking
a step forward everyday and living life is the miracle.
Thank you God, for
the miracle of courage, courage to get out of bed today, even when we can't
imagine why. Thank you for the miracle of family and friends that stood by me
and still walks with me. Thank you for the miracle of life that can continue
even when I have given up on it.
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