Help me find your way Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am beginning to realize that grief is much more complex than we think. On the surface we think it is just about crying for what you lost. The obvious! We lost a son, 15 months old...much too soon. But is more than that... I lost not just a son, but also all the dreams I had for him. I will never see him grow up! I will never see him go to school for the first time... hear him call my name when he bumped his toe... hold him close and tell him that it is OK, Daddy is here with you... I will never get to talk to him about what it means to be a man... I will never see him become the man that I knew I would have been proud of.... The list just goes on and on.

Everyday I live is a reminder of what I do not have with my boy... a reminder of the things and moments that I will never spent with my boy. I hate this feeling. I hate this pain... How will I ever get over this pain?

I have nothing positive to write today... I am just so overwhelmed by the pain...

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Stay strong!

"Stay Strong!" I heard my friend say to me... My response was, "I will try my best". As I sat down and I thought about this conversation. The more I thought about this the more I got convinced that it might not be entirely possible. These two words, as well as they mean has probably been my biggest down fall over the last three months. I mean... It is really easier said then done... What does it mean anyway? Does it mean don't cry (at least not in-front of us)? Does it mean don't show emotions? What do people mean when they say, "Stay Strong"? I say this not in a judgemental way or unappreciative of the sentiment, but rather in trying to make sense of this "grieving thing". I have been trying to be strong... but the more I try, the worse I feel. The more I pray for strength to carry my cross and follow Jesus, the harder it appears to be. I guess this is the law of nature or something... If a person wants muscles, then t

I miss you

My dear son Judah, born so small and sweet. Your presence in our lives was such a blessing. Today would have been your tenth year on Earth, but instead of celebrating your presence, we celebrate your precious worth. You were certainly gone too soon. My heart still aches, my soul still sinks. I miss your laughter, your smile, your touch. I miss you so much, my heart hurts so much. Your short life made a lasting impact, it's true, you taught me more than I ever taught you. You showed me the strength in a smile and you'll forever be my baby boy. I wish I could hold you, just one more time... Tell you I love you, that you are mine, but instead, I'll hold you in my heart each day. I'll cherish the memories in every way... My dear son Judah, I miss you So, but in my heart, your spirit will always live. I will smile today... I will step out courageous... In memory of you. Happy 10th birthday, my precious boy. You'll forever bring me love, light, and joy.

Random Faith Ramblings

I have come to realize that tragedy and strife often cause us to reflect and re-evaluate. I have had a bit of time to relook and reimagine life and faith. I have come to some kind of certainty that it is time for us (the Church) to have an honest conversation about the nature of our being and ministry. It is time for us to recognize and step up to the fact that the ministry and faith that we live and proclaim are not about our selfish needs and desires. As a Church, we are called to a higher purpose, a mission that extends beyond our personal desires and ambitions. The concept of the Missio Dei, the Mission of God, should shape and guide our understanding of ministry and faith. It is a concept that transcends our individual aspirations and egos. When we truly embrace the Missio Dei, we come to understand that our mission is not about building our own kingdoms or satisfying our personal agendas. It is about participating in the larger work of God in the world. As we reflect on the omnip

SUKKEL-VOORT - LIVING WITH GRIEF

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