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13 August 2015


Grieving sucks... Truly it does! I have heard someone say, "Life is what you make of it. If life hands you lemons, make lemonade." Well I don't know what great thing to make of my son death or of grieving. I tried making "lemonade" but, honestly, I am now full of it.

I feel like just covering my head with my blanket and sleeping until things are all better... Someone please remember to wake me up when this is all over... I just want to give up! 

It is tiring always trying to see the positives in life. I am exhausted! The pressure of trying to be the perfectly grieving father, husband or friend is too much. The sad thing is that I am just realizing that nobody expects me to be that, most of this pressure really comes from myself.

But it is not so easy. Life carries on... We have to remember to carry on living. I discovered over the last few months that I relied too much at times upon "Supernatural" breakthroughs. Whenever something was out of place or broken in my life, I would simply sit back and let God do God's thing. After all God is Almighty! But I needed to remember that God very often used the ordinary and sometimes less then ordinary individuals to accomplish the extra-ordinary.  I have learned that God is often times very practical... 

Let me try and explain what I mean...

I am learning that God shows up in the in the every day things and expects me to live life with Him in the everyday things. Don't get me wrong... I am not suggesting at all that we should not expect miracles from God, but I am saying that sometimes the greatest miracle is not the resurrection of the dead but the finding of life after death. There is not a day that goes by that I don't wonder why God didn't just resurrect my boy, like he did with others in past... and I will probably never get to a satisfactory answer ever... (And for now I am okay with that).

However, I am finally beginning to see that there could be a life worth living after this great loss. I don't know exactly what and how, but I know that God wakes me up every morning for a reason... The last few months (maybe even longer) all I did, was to wake up and pray for a miracle. Hoping that something overwhelming and great will happen and God will surprise me with something greater and more spectacular.

Today I realise that this is the SuperNatural... I am living the miracle... taking a breath, taking a step forward everyday and living life is the miracle. 


Thank you God, for the miracle of courage, courage to get out of bed today, even when we can't imagine why. Thank you for the miracle of family and friends that stood by me and still walks with me. Thank you for the miracle of life that can continue even when I have given up on it.

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