Waiting...

Waiting is tough! I absolutely am not good at waiting… yet that seems to be the only thing that I can do at the moment.

Maybe I should explain what I am on about…
When this tragedy struck I did everything I knew and understood so as to be able to make sense of it all, but it was all in vein. All my knowledge of scripture and ministry seem to give me nothing more than questions.

I began to question my Faith and the validity of Scripture, my existence and the reasons for pain. I got angry and depressed, as if there were no other emotions in between.  But as much as I tried, two things remained… Two things remained a certainty no matter how hard I tried to discredit it…  The Reality of Jesus and the authenticity of my Call… The more I wrestled with the “why” and “how come” questions the more I got confronted with Jesus and my Calling.

It did not make sense… you see these were the very things I sought out to discredit. I wanted to hurt God just as much as I was hurting. I am going to make invalid these two things because I know is very important to Him.

Yet the more I wrestle… the more I struggle the more I hear God’s voice, “Wait, wait for me… wait for my power to be made manifest in your weakness.” I am reminded of the disciples before Pentecost Day. They were terrified because they could not understand… or because they thought to themselves, ‘surely if He rose from the dead, He has the power to do anything… we will take our Kingdom back’ but instead it would seem like He leaves them with only a promise to hold on to. A promise that if they wait, they will receive power.

 So here I am, waiting… I am scared because I have this certainty within me that God has called me and that Jesus is my Saviour, but I don’t have the words or the strength to preach. So I lock myself away, waiting because it’s the only thing that makes sense right now. 

Thank you God that You are with me! Thank you that you called me! Thank You that I can WAIT with You!