SUKKEL-VOORT - LIVING WITH GRIEF

We tell our kids fairy tales, all the time, and these fairy tales always end with the words or idea, "and they all lived happily ever after". Though we know the difference between real life and fairy tales, we all still wish and pray that life will be a "happily ever after".  Well, what happens when the story, my story, doesn't quite measure up? I sat and watch the inter-action between my wife and our second born son. He was  complaining,  no, he was stating the obvious, telling his Mommy how much he misses his brother. Saying that he miss playing with him and how he wishes that he could talk to his brother... A part in me immediately got pulled up... when my wife responded by saying, "come sit with me and we will talk to him together.Let's tell him how much we miss him" I wanted to say... "NO! we do not have conversations with the dead. If you miss Judah, then pray to God. Jesus will take the pain away." Then I wanted to ...

"With Hope" This is not at all How we thought it was supposed to be We had so many plans for you We has so many dreams But now you've gone away And left us with the memories of your smile And nothing we can say And nothing we can do Can take away the pain The pain of losing you And we can cry with hope We can say good-bye with hope 'Cause we know our good-bye is not the end And we can grieve with hope 'Cause we believe with hope There's a place where we'll see your face again We'll see your face again And never have I known Anything so hard to understand And never have I questioned more The wisdom of God's plan But through the cloud of tears I see the Father smile and say 'well done.' And I imagine you Where you wanted most to be Seeing all your dreams come true 'Cause now your home And now your free [Chorus] We have this hope as an anchor 'Cause we believe that everything God promised us ...

My Darling Boy, Today I miss you more than words can describe... I woke up last night because Diego was barking, but then could not go back to sleep. My mind immediately went to the nights that you so lovingly would place your head on my chest and start humming a song, signalling that you wanted your Dad to sing for you. You are the only one that would willingly subject yourself to Daddy's voice. You always knew just how to make me feel extra special. I wonder if you are singing in heaven. I pray that Jesus holds you close and hums Afrikaans choruses to you...  Lol... we have all been singing the "Bibo" song lately. we really miss you. Your brother and sister... well let's just say, "You come from good stock". They are so brave. They talk about you always. The house is just not the same without you. Your physical presence amongst is terribly missed. We can not help but constantly ask ourselves, "I wonder what Judah would have done right now...

Very confidently I decided that I am going to be different... I am going to be the one that will somehow model to all my friends and family how "it" is done. I was going to mourn the loss of my son and somehow re-group my family and... Well I am not really sure what next, but definitely something. I am strong enough to over-come any odds. After all, my Mom taught me that "I can do all things through Christ that gives me the strength." So… I  will  make it. I have to make it! At least so I thought... I unfortunately have come to the conclusion that what ever I am doing is not working. I am living but part of me died with Judah and I am trying to resurrect something that I should be burying. Let me see if I can somehow make sense of what I just said... I believe... or rather have always believed in a Miraculous God. The attributes of God that stand out for me about God is all of the Super-Natural stuff. God makes a way where there seems to be no way be...

I had an awesome weekend with family. My brother and his family came to visit us for a few days. This was especially meaningful because it was his birthday and they chose to spend it with us. We had a fantastic time of nothingness. We had no particular agenda… All we did was enjoy each others company. It was awesome! Then it dawned on me. This is all I really need... in fact this is all that  we  need. During bereavement people always try to be what they are not. They try to act in a way that they think will make us feel better. The truth is nothing will make us feel better... We lost our son... It is terribly painful and it probably will be that way for a very long time (maybe even forever).  So if you want to be helpful, share yourself with us. Be who God had gifted you to be! You are a gift to us, don't break the gift and change it into something it was not meant to be. Please let me decide if I need it or not. After all that is the nature of giving gifts: S...

Grieving sucks... Truly it does! I have heard someone say, "Life is what you make of it. If life hands you lemons, make lemonade." Well I don't know what great thing to make of my son death or of grieving. I tried making "lemonade" but, honestly, I am now full of it. I feel like just covering my head with my blanket and sleeping until things are all better... Someone please remember to wake me up when this is all over... I just want to give up!  It is tiring always trying to see the positives in life. I am exhausted! The pressure of trying to be the perfectly grieving father, husband or friend is too much. The sad thing is that I am just realizing that nobody expects me to be that, most of this pressure really comes from myself. But it is not so easy.   Life carries on... We have to remember to carry on living. I discovered over the last few months that I relied too much at times upon "Supernatural" breakthroughs. Whenever something was o...

I think the worst thing about grief is the unpredictability of it all.The one moment you are making progress and you can see progress... the next moment you feel like life does not make any sense at all. You never really know when and how it will hit you next. A while back I shared with a friend and said that I think Grief is like a chronic disease. All we have to do is take our medication and we will be OK... but on a re-think I came to the conclusion that even this is not entirely true... Grief ambushes us any time it feels like. The one moment you are on top of the world the next you are down and out. The only thing chronic about grief is that it is always with you... You see grief is not depression or the feeling of pain, grief is a condition... A state of being..., I don't think that there is any healing from grief. Don't get me wrong, there is healing from the pain and despair, but once you lost a loved one there is no fixing it and we will have to learn to live wi...